Finding A Routine

Nope, still no internet at home. Hopefully we'll update more frequently when service resumes.

Our first days home with Jonah have been a learning experience, to be sure. We've got a pretty good routine during the nights: wake Jonah before she becomes so hungry that she is too upset to eat (learned the hard way), Anne feeds her until she is good and milk-drunk, hand her to me and I hold her against my chest until she passes out. After that, we put her in her car seat; she hates to be laid down flat. The car seat has become a very good friend of ours. Day time routines are still being established. But all in all, Jonah is an easy baby. She cries when she is hungry, tired, or in need of a diaper change. Other than that she is alert and pretty happy. We are falling in love. All of this learning has meant that we've been spending a lot of time around the house. We even spent an hour or so watching "Smokey Robinson: A Tribute on Ice" yesterday. At one point Anne was heard to say, "Damn, Smokey, you're crackin' me up!" She also announced that she would gladly pay up to $10 to see such a spectacle in person. It was Smokey Robinson singing in front of an ice rink where skaters interpreted his Motown hits. All this time at home has enriched our lives in such unexpected ways.

Okay, here are some photos.
Spending a lot of time in the rocking chair these days. I was really looking forward to this.
My girls sleeping in this morning. After Jonah woke up I brought her into bed with us and she feel back to sleep again. Such a sweet moment.

Jonah at Home

Here are some photos from our first days at home with Jonah. We are getting to know each other, and every day (and night) have been better than the day (and night before).


Jonah loves her sling. Here she is getting ready for her first outing to Whole Foods. (thanks for the warm coat, Grandma Val) We are frequent visitors to the WF these days because our home internet is still out. Awesome.



Some morning coffee and mom love.

Time for bed.

Ivan

Today we said goodbye to Ivan. After four years with us, his little body was not holding up. Kidney disease and FIV was too much.

Ivan began with a notion Eric had. We had just moved in together, and to my surprise, my less-than-animal-loving partner began surfing the Internet for cats. Craigslist. Local shelters. I don’t recall requesting a cat, but if Eric told you the story he might say that I talked about it constantly. I think he felt it was something he was doing for me. He would flip through shots of different cats and show them to me, explaining what he liked about them and what he didn’t.

Finally one day we went to a local no-kill shelter where they had special needs cats. We decided in advance that we would adopt an FIV+ cat because we could- because it seemed right. We went together into the FIV+ cat rooms and I hung back while Eric began to interact with different cats. I think Ivan won him over instantly.

We used to say that Ivan was “forever a shelter cat looking for a new home,” wooing friends and visitors by rolling over onto his back, reminiscent of an otter, with his two paws close to his chest and his full stomach exposed for petting. When friends would leave, he would go off into another room, aloof as usual. This is how Eric found Ivan and Ivan found Eric.

Ivan was always Eric’s cat. Eric would walk around the house holding Ivan like an infant and talk to him. I think Ivan softened Eric up. Prior to bringing Ivan home, Eric had little patience for pets and rarely engaged them. Ivan was different – I think they had an understanding. Ivan seemed to be acutely aware of Eric’s tidiness and need for space. Perhaps shared the same tendency. Ivan would sit neatly composed in his bed and seek attention only when he specifically wanted to be pet. Most of the time (with the exception of guests), Ivan was quiet, composed, and private.

Ivan was the first member of our family. In many ways, watching Eric with Ivan endeared me more to Eric - I was always so touched by their relationship. When Ivan began getting really sick, it was Eric who was brave enough to begin discussions of the “right” time to let Ivan go.

Life is fragile, as cliché as it is to say. We spend so much time tending to it, cultivating it, nurturing it, and managing it. It is profound how we perpetually choose it, day after day, when it requires so much care. But we do. We create life - so carelessly and so deliberately at once - but we protect it fiercely all the same for its promise of meaning, companionship, of love.

Choosing to end life is so painful because it is also choosing death, and death is blunt, unchanging, and resolute. It is a decision you can’t afford to regret because there is no way to assuage it, to reclaim it. There are so many ways we deny death or are complacent and passive actors in its process. We hold onto our loved ones and companions when they suffer, we ignore its signs when we see them, we choose not to help, not to intervene, not to bother with death. But to opt into it, and to do so for another being, is something else entirely.

I was resistant to talking about letting Ivan go. I fussed over the boundaries of suffering. If he is animated, if he can respond, if he has moments of play then it can’t possibly be time for death. But as Ivan became more ill, despite these moments, it was clear a decision had to be made lest we allow our cat to suffer and waste away. I think we just needed permission to let him go.

For the past two days we each had our moments with Ivan. I spent time grooming and cleaning him – his ears, his patchy fur, and his mouth full of sores. Eric talked to him, he held him. Ivan slept with us this morning for the first time in over a month, as he always did, nestled between our legs.

When I said goodbye in our home and thanked him for his life and time with us, it was clear he knew what was going on and he hid from me. At the vet he resisted leaving his carrier (which is not typical for him), and settled down quietly on the exam table (also not typical), as we talked to him and said our goodbyes. Eric and I wept as they gave him first the anesthetic and then the overdose that stopped his heart. It was quick and he went limp almost immediately. Uncompromising, finite.

We stayed there with his body, petting him, talking to him – so much his little self and so far gone at once. Again cliché, but there is no other way to describe the vacuous presence of something loved in death.

I wanted to take his little body with us – to bathe him and clean him and bury him ourselves. But our culture is not set up to honor death. We leave those tasks to other who consider, tend to it, and dispose of it for us.

Instead we purchased a little plant, mangy and pointy like Ivan, to plant in the place where he began to spend his last days outside. We look forward to watering it and feeding it and to thanking our little furry friend for joining and nurturing the first few years of our lives together.

Meg in Seattle

I (eric) just got back from a long weekend in Seattle visiting my friend Meg. In four days I managed to take about as many pictures (I need to work on that). We spent our time hanging out at her place, amazing each other with our wit and charm (our long standing favorite activity), and watching way too much Olympic coverage. (Dear Michael Phelps, enough already. Love, eric & meg). Meg lives out on the peninsula so our trip over to the city involved a 40 minute ferry ride. She does it every day and didn't find it quite as impressive as I did. Go figure. Here are some photos of us contemplating life and its mysteries while heading west across the sound. Her place is great--right across the road from the sound--and she even has her very own pair of bald eagles living in the tree above her house. I would have been more impressed with the eagles if they didn't have such a wimpy-sounding cry. I want something glorious, you know, patriotic. And so our other main activity was trying to teach the eagles something a little more appropriate. As they flew over head we called out, "liberteeeee," "michaelphelps," and "neoliberalism." You know, really American stuff. This activity left Meg feeling very proud of her effort on behalf of all Americans. This is what such pride looks like:

A final moment of fun came when I spotted Meg's judo gui in her closet. Here I am teaching the eagles about American diplomacy. 

moms!

I don't want to spend too much time dwelling on it, but I would like to acknowledge that we are the worst bloggers in the world. There. I said it.

Our moms came to town! Val (eric's mom) was here for 5 days, and Gloria (anne's mom) was here for 10 days. In all that time we managed to make our way around the Bay Area, and see a little bit of everything.

Happy in the sunshine at Thai Breakfast.

Anne and Gloria admiring our feast at Thai Breakfast in Berkeley. We got a wonderful sunny day and sat on the grass to enjoy great food and people watching.

Anne and I up a tree on the beach in Carmel. We hope that it is obvious that this particular pose/setting was mom-initiated.

Anne and Gloria braving the Carmel summer. Though there were plenty of people running around in shorts and playing in the surf, Anne felt sure that she would die of cold at any minute.

Val and Eric taking in a fountain after a wine tasting in Napa. We tasted. We chatted. We paid too much. It was the Napa experience.

The ladies at the Giants' game. The Giants lost. Nothing new.

Gloria striking a pose on the pier with the Bay Bridge in the background.

All in all, it was a great visit. Conclusion: We don't get to see our moms often enough.

A Hike & A Tea Party

Some photos of Eric's Sunday morning hike in Mt. Diablo State Park (about 30 miles southwest of Berkeley).





Anne threw her second tea party last weekend. We forgot to take pictures before the event, but here are some partly devoured goodies: lemon merengue pie, peach/apricot/cherry pie. Yum.

Summer, So Far

Our summer is off to a lovely start.

Eric's coursework is officially over! He turned in his last term paper (EVER!) at the end of may and is in full-time exam prep mode for the next year. Books, books, books.

Eric was awarded a summer fellowship and will begin taking an intensive Spanish course at the end of June. In the meantime he is working on exam prep and picking up odd jobs when he can find them. He found the most interesting one after advertising his writing and research skills on craigslist. He is helping a 78-year-old man write his autobiography. They have a great working relationship and it has been a blast thus far.

Last weekend we took a little road trip with different destinations. Anne dropped Eric off at Castle Crags State Park in northern California for a three-day backpacking trip along the Pacific Crest Trail. It was a wonderful three days of quiet in the woods. (Photos of the Crags and the view of Mt. Shasta below).

Anne continued north to Jefferson, Oregon (just outside of Ashland) for a weekend visit with her friend Alyssa. Alyssa has been working as an intern on an organic farm. She pitched a tent on the homestead, fed the kids (baby goats) clover, and spent a day hoeing. That is, weeding. The trip also involved a long breakfast at the local gas station/store/greasy spoon discussing hay bale housing and other such homesteading tips. Good to know. Below are pictures of Anne's friend Alyssa and the guy who owns the farm, hard at work.

Moving to Oakland

We are officially the worst bloggers ever. After sitting in front of our computers all day long, we just haven't been able to bring ourselves to sit down and write regular updates. But we're going to work on it.

The big news from our part of the world is that we're gearing up for a move down to the Lake Merritt neighborhood of Oakland on July 1st (which also happens to be our two year anniversary!). Berkeley has been grand, but there is much more life down in Oakland—more diversity, more activity. And it has the added bonus of having fewer students and fewer crazies than Berkeley. Our new place is great. We're just half a mile from Anne's office (she is so excited about being able to walk to work) and only a few blocks from Lake Merritt. My bike commute will be a little longer, but I'll still be able to make it to campus in under 30 minutes. No complaints.

The area is very urban, as you can see from the photo (that is downtown Oakland just west of the lake), but it has a lovely park along the northern shore and a jogging path that runs around the entire lake. There are also plenty of shops and restaurants near by, and a Whole Foods just down the hill. Perfect for prospective visitors (hint, hint).

(The photo is a view looking west out onto the Bay. Our place is just to the right (north) of the lake near the little arm in the middle of the photo.)